This weeks Testimony Tuesday comes from Tiffany! She has two amazing daughters, one soon to be son in law, and the most adorable red headed grandson on the planet. If you know Tiffany, you know she is a bubbly, inspiring human who brings joy and sunshine into every room that she enters.
Today she is telling you her very recent testimony of how God LOVES her and covers her with grace. AND SAVED HER LIFE! Be ready for a tear jerker as she walks us through her dark moments.
( And remember – if you EVER feel like you want to share your testimony with us, please do! Send me an email and let me know – [email protected] )
Oh gosh, I could start at the beginning but I really feel like maybe I should just jump in the middle.
I claim God as my personal savior! I am a child of God. With that being said, have you ever prayed and laid everything out in front of him. Like at the foot of the cross and then minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even years picked up those same things that you asked HIM to take, and start carrying them again. I have!
I suffer from depression and anxiety. Some of it stems from being sexually abused as a teenager and some of it has to do with the guilt I felt for destroying my family. I never felt worthy of love, nor did I ever feel pretty. I didn‘t feel smart or of any worth. It’s pretty hard for me to write this down because I still struggle with it daily. And just because someone still struggles, does not mean that they are not God’s child.
A few years ago, there were a lot of things crumbling around me. My physical body (weight), my emotional being (challenges at work and my character) and mental capacity to handle all of it. My coping mechanism was to sleep. I just wanted to work and go to bed. I wanted to stop feeling so awful
I LOVED my family and friends, but I was in such a dark place I didnt want to burden them with my thoughts and and personal demons. Many nights, I would take 5 to 8 Benadryl to go to sleep. It had two benefits – it would take the edge off and I could sleep, but it would also help me not to eat! (Two of my demons with one stone!)
So one night I had had enough. I took approximately 50 pills. I kissed my youngest daughter goodnight and told her I loved her. Then, I texted my oldest daughter and told her I loved her and how proud I am of her.
I laid down to talk to God one last time. I remember sobbing. I just kept saying, “I don’t understand why I’m here. I just want this emotional ache to go away. Take care of my girls. Take care of my family. I can’t do this anymore. I dont have the energy or the strength to fight these demons that talk to me every day and night.”
The next morning, I woke up.
I felt terrible but I woke up. I was so so disappointed that I had failed. It was Easter morning. I didnt feel like going to church, but I did. Everything and everyone seemed to be in a fog. (I’m sure it was the medication.) When church was over, I went home.
Getting ready for our BIG family dinner my oldest and her fiance came over. They had asked me and my youngest to come downstairs. When we went into my room, they handed me an Easter egg. I opened the egg and an ultrasound picture fell on the floor. They were expecting my first grandchild. I wept.
I looked at my oldest and realized, yet again, God had sent me this message through her to save me. I might have been done with myself, but God was not!
I look at my grandson now – he is 14 months old – and can’t imagine not being here. Gods timing. Gods grace and ever-loving presence is all around. I am so blessed.
Yes, I still want to pick up some of the things that I’ve laid down at the base of the cross, but every now and then God grabs me and says, “Drop it! I got you and you are loved!”
Keep laying your burdens at His feet. Keep giving them to HIM and leave them there. He’s got you.