Testimony Tuesday : Liz S

Mar 10, 2020 | Faith, Testimony Tuesdays

Today’s testimony comes from a wonderful woman with a giant servants heart. I met her when we were in high school, both running for Iowa State fair queen . God has a funny way of bringing people back into your life in really crazy ways so that you can grow and learn from each other. Liz and I worked our LuLaRoe businesses together but our friendship became more than that. I am grateful that today, she has chosen to share her heart with us in this beautiful testimony.


Beautifully Broken

God sees hard places and broken people and He moves toward them, not away from them. God comes to us in our brokenness and He feels broken so that we don’t have to anymore. 

Background

I always remember growing up with Jesus in my life, for which I am forever grateful. I was born into a Christian family; I was baptized, confirmed, attended church regularly, the whole nine. I went to summer church camps, Vacation Bible School, and Awana with friends. I remember attending different events that were inspirational and God-centered; the type of events that they would always provide the opportunity for people to make the choice to give themselves to God. “Wait, God? You know I belong to You. I am Yours. I have already done that, right? I just need to make sure You know that, God.” I always got so nervous that for some reason maybe God didn’t hear me or that I hadn’t committed myself clearly enough to Him. 

    I would say I finally got over my fear of God not knowing that I had committed my life to Him when I got to college. I found a church in Cedar Falls to attend and participate on the praise team. It was so important to me to continue building my faith and while not all people with a strong faith attend church, it was something that mattered to me. It was one of the ways I connected better with my God. 

God’s Purpose

    Fast forward to the last couple of years. Throughout my life, I have always struggled to understand what people meant when they said that they “heard God” speak to them. What did that even mean? I only hear my own voice in my head. I had created another fear that I wasn’t hearing God speak to me about the purpose He had for my life. 

November of 2017. I mentioned to an adoptive friend that I had some clothes I wanted to donate and out of nowhere came the word vomit. I said, “So… are there any foster care licensing classes starting soon?” WHAT?! What just happened? Why did I say that? I’m not married yet and I don’t have my own biological kids yet. Still, the words just came out. She told me there just so happened to be an orientation meeting a few weeks later.

The day of the orientation meeting arrived and I went with all sorts of emotions! I filled out the necessary paperwork for that first step of moving forward in this process and I remember wishing I didn’t have to wait until February for my classes to start. I was feeling such a sense of peace, knowing now that the day I word vomited, it was God saying, “Now is the time.” I had finally heard Him and His purpose for me! 


The next two years were some of the most difficult, emotional, exciting, disappointing, broken, beautiful years of my life. I was Momma to 4 kiddos over those years, some for a longer time than others, but all just as meaningful. I had strong-willed children, all coming from different backgrounds and traumas, and they were all learning how to adjust to a new normal. I comforted my little ones who were broken, so much that I was unsure I would be able to truly help them through it. I had days of laughter and tears. Feeling exhausted and rested; happy and sad. Feeling like I finally made an impact, just to feel defeated again. Feeling strong and weak; confident and uncertain. I had days of feeling so full, when absolutely everything was going smoothly, just to cry behind closed doors because of the heartache I felt when I didn’t know how to help my hurting, helpless children. I had days of feeling helpless myself, not knowing what to do or what to say. Days of {literally} falling to my knees in tears, begging God to give me a break. Just to be comforted with the words, “I love you”, by the same incredible kiddos who caused me to fall.

Each of these journeys with my children was special in their own way. They taught me so much more than I could have ever imagined. I have since had to say goodbye to each of my children for different reasons, but always knowing that I had been able to give them what they needed from me and that they still had greatness ahead. The goodbyes were the worst part. They brought a pain and an emptiness that I will never be able to put into words. God’s promise reassures me that whatever their futures hold, part of their journey was meant to be spent with me. God is purposeful in His plan for each of us & He knew that my children were meant to be mine, for however long it was. 

Reassurance

October of 2019. I attended a great conference for foster/adoptive families called Replanted. I had been in a funk & I was unsure what was going on with me. I would cry and have no idea why. I went days feeling empty, lonely, and sad, but couldn’t understand or explain why. All it took for me to understand my hurt was to be at this conference, in a place of worship, surrounded by people who get it. As I was singing, I broke down in tears. I realized that my hurt was resurfacing and that I was still grieving the loss of my children. I felt like I was not fulfilling the purpose and call that God has set forth for me, but God reassured me that wasn’t true. He had called me to a season of rest and reflection, while at the same time preparing my heart for what is yet to come. I have a deep love and passion for kids, especially kids from hard places and I know in my heart that I am not done living out my purpose. God is SO good – He always is.

God sees hard places and broken people and He moves toward them, not away from them. God comes to us in our brokenness and He feels broken so that we don’t have to anymore. 

There is beauty in our brokenness and we are mended with gold. 

%d bloggers like this: