Priscilla The Pi$$ed: Musings of a SALTY mama.

Mar 20, 2020 | Faith, Guest Bloggers

The world is weird. No way around it. And sometimes, okay – a lot of times – we start to feel a little bit salty about the cards were being dealt. We feel like God is doing this TO US. And IT HURTS. And it is HARD. Any time our routine is all messed up we feel anxiety and stress that can send us on this insane emotional rollercoaster.

Well, we have a wonderful guest blogger today from the Arctic Tundra near the Great Lakes who has just about had it with all this nonsense. One week in and Priscilla is OVER. IT. So she is going to share some of her saltiest musings with us. You’re not alone in this, friends. Be sure to read all the way to the end for some extra encouragement.

1) TWO TO FOUR INCHES OF SNOW ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SOMEONE TAKE THE REMOTE CONTROL AWAY FROM JESUS. God, put down the g+t and go reign in your kid. Why aren’t you watching him?! Oh, it was the Holy Spirit’s turn? Umhmm. We all know he tends to get a little wild. 

2) I’d just like to state for the record – I see what you did there, Jesus, having me give up alcohol and gluten for Lent. Well played, I’m not about it, and you’re being rude. Feeling extra salty at you. And I’m going to bake every day. So I am EXPECTING you to carry the burden of all those calories miraculously disappearing from my hips. Just so we are clear. Good. Glad we got that straight. Amen. 

3) All I can say is, I’m glad you’re strong, bc I’ve got a lot of crap for you to carry. Maybe bring your anti-hernia belt with today …. Ya know, just in case. And no need to bother with the reading glasses, I’ll be navigating today’s session, tyvm. But just in case …. Can you bring your healing powers too? You know … Just on the off chance I stub my toe or lead us off the edge of a cliff or something … It’s unlikely, but this whole being a mom business has taught me the wisdom of the purse-sized first aid kit.

Quote from Bob Goff

4) Listen, I understand that you’re literally so big that 10,000 years is like 1 day to you. But Jonah was only in that whale for like 72 hours, tops. So let’s shake a leg. 

5) If you would just stop shushing me and listen for one minute, I think I have a brilliant plan! Yes I KNOW that’s the same thing Peter said, but he was a guy – no offense – so you already know it’ll be an improvement over that.

6) Let’s talk about this whole 40 days in the wilderness business. 8 weeks is WAY more than 40 days. Since Jesus didn’t have to do it, then this younger sibling shouldn’t have to either!!!! #babyofthefamily #igetwhatiwant 

7) I appreciate how strong you think I am … But that’s enough for a while. I’m taking a sabbatical. I’ll send you a postcard. It’ll be sort of the same thing.

8) I know you wanted to discuss my anxiety today, but I thought we could chat about your lack of follow-through on the suggestions I submitted for your review concerning my life plan? I do believe Eve may have brought this up with you as well, and we’re all just wondering if you’ve had time to review our constructive critiques yet? 

9) And what is WITH you scheduling this little party for AFTER Friends is no longer on Netflix?! 

10) “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:18‬

Scuuuuse me!!!! Which angel got tipsy on the communion wine and thought it would be funny to let Corona out, hummmmm? I hope you took their wings away for a few weeks.

11) Since you’re allowing me to be held hostage by my 2-year-old, here are my list of demands in order to continue being a good prisoner, ehrm, mom:

  1. Calories don’t count.
  2. Cheesecake becomes the most vital macronutrient to human existence.
  3. The weather sitch: the warmth of summer starting yesterday and the plants are in bloom like spring is their JOBBBBB. This will last for all of 2020 as penance. Don’t speak. Just listen.
  4. We get to have dinosaurs back. They’re all docile and vegan.
  5. Teachers get $1 million as their lifetime yearly salary. Social workers, nurses, grocery clerks, first responders, and all the others, too. You’re God, you know the list. 
  6. I will be whatever shape, size, and color I want from now on.
  7. “Get thee behind me, Satan” is the new official “Bless your heart.”
  8. Every child has unlimited food, shelter, and clothing needs met. Forever and ever amen.
  9. All foster kids find their forever families.
  10. I know what you’re thinking – shortlist. Don’t worry, I’ve suddenly found myself taking a lot of bathroom breaks. I’ll be back tomorrow.

I had a good laugh when Priscilla sent these my way. I can admit that a few of these have crossed my mind this week. It’s all too real right now. Maybe your list of salty musings doesn’t look quite like Priscilla’s – but you know what they are. You know what you’ve been stewing on and letting take over your thoughts this week. And it’s okay to be mad and confused about all of this.

But I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that GOD HAS GOT US. He knows what our struggles are and all you have to do is ask him to help you carry this load. He will bring you through. If you’ll allow me, I’d like to pray for all our inner Priscillas.

Father God,
I ask you to bring healing to our worn hearts and minds right now. Be with us through this really crappy time of forced isolation and fear. Father, I know that you have a plan for us in this – help me to trust YOUR PLAN because it is BETTER THAN MINE. Help me to find the joy in this seemingly unjoyful time. Help me to not lose my mind. Be my rock, my salvation. Cover my family with your grace and peace. FATHER, YOU ARE GOOD. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU.
Oh, and PLEASE don’t let me run out of toilet paper.

Oh Boy, I don’t know about you but i CAN NOT WAIT to see what Priscilla has to say next week ;-D

Until Next Time,
Emily B.

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