I struggle to adequately explain this feeling- it goes beyond words, beyond my understanding. It was then Jesus reassured me, “You never have to go there again.” I suffered that night, after giving birth. I carried the pain and trauma of bringing that one little life to the world.
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For me, isolation meant I no longer had to think about anyone else – no out of the home human interaction meant that I was allowed to live within my own thoughts and not think about how others view me. I buried myself into my projects so that I didn’t have to deal with the reality of our world. And the changes happening in my soul. Usually, a couple of days of this is no big deal. You get over the funk of being stuck in yourself and go on with your life and see friends and move on. But we’ve been doing this isolation thing for a month. A WHOLE MONTH.
Blood, sweat, tears, surrender, new life. With the recent celebration of Easter fresh in our hearts, these words make us think of our sweet Savior and what he has accomplished for us! His labor of love, his perfect life, his willing sacrifice, his ultimate victory and living presence with us! I deeply believe that God designed an analogous process for mothers. This labor can ultimately give mothers a rich appreciation of the cost and reward of heaven.
Cherry Snow. It was the color of the new nail polish I applied that morning. I had a slice of toast and listened to my Steven Curtis Chapman album. It was cloudy and a bit cool for the end of April, so I slipped on a jacket. Two surprise pink tulips greeted me in my front flower garden as I left the house.
I had dealt with occasional depression since childhood, and am still prone to it- and the sense of utter isolation I felt there threw me into the longest period of darkness I’ve experienced. My present was so dismal that I coped by seeking refuge in my past- my fantasy world- pining for the magical, happy days where I had felt loved, wanted, hopeful. In reality, I was cheerless and disinterested in every aspect of life.
There is still hidden pain in the day to day struggle, but finally I have my answer as to why I am so different than everyone else. I am gifted with a treasure that only empathy from God can see. I am blessed with some of the most amazing minds in my family. I am cursed with trials that I fight invisibly daily in quite. Blessedly, I am rewarded with growth and wonders that only the gift if neuro diversity like spectrum and sensory processing can offer.
We’ve been doing #Testimony Tuesday for a few months now but I know that some of you are still asking “But Why?”
“What are testimonies really? Why do we share them? Why is it important to our faith? Does it really matter anyways?
Today, I want to answer those questions and I’d also like to invite you to share YOUR testimony.
The world is weird. No way around it. And sometimes, okay – a lot of times – we start to feel a little bit salty about the cards were being dealt. We feel like God is doing this TO US. And IT HURTS. And it is HARD. Any time our routine is all messed up we feel anxiety and stress that can send us on this insane emotional rollercoaster.
On our wedding day, we vowed to accept children lovingly from God and bring them up in the Catholic Church, and we wholeheartedly meant it. We assumed we would have to drive an E350 with the amount of kids we were planning on having, and we had lists of baby names that we playfully fought about, as we couldn’t agree on any of them. We started trying to get pregnant right away with hormonal supplementation.