One of the things I know from systems theory in psychology is that we can’t change other people; we can only change ourselves. But for some reason that understanding had trouble sinking in when it related to the kids,
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I want to say that I had an immediate epiphany of this, but that is not the case at all. Every day as I am still walking in this season I have to make intentional choices, all day every day, to choose the Lord before the things of this world (Matthew 16:24-26). My caveat to these choices is this: we are going to mess up.
“I just heard back from the doctor at Mayo clinic and he thinks you need to come back to the States for a bone marrow biopsy on your daughter.”
I read that by not saying anything at all you are assumed to agree. That by not verbally objecting, you are allowing the discrimination and injustice to continue. I have always felt like I am the most unqualified person to say anything. I have no idea what it is like to be anything other than white and privileged beyond belief.
However, as you can imagine, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. Because I belong to the King now, Satan knows that when I die I’m going to Heaven so he has to try and get me to be a bad example here on Earth. I have had to rely on Christ to help me stand against the temptations of Satan pertaining to some of the sins in my past. I’ve also had physical obstacles to overcome.
In 1997, at the age of 25, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She endured chemotherapy, radiation, and multiple surgeries. She was cancer-free for about six years. During this time, she started classes to receive her nurse’s degree. However, cancer came back in her bones and lungs. For the next three years, she fought and endured chemotherapy again. She worked as a CNA on the mother and baby floor. She loved her job! However, she was slowly losing mobility in her left arm and hand due to radiation of the lymph nodes, so she had to quit her job. In May 2006, she was told that chemotherapy was no longer an option. Her body just had enough.
And like an animal, I was willing to mangle myself as long as I could ensure my own survival. As if I could fight my way out of hell and climb high enough to ascend into heaven. What else could I do? God had abandoned me, and so I could either rot, or save myself. God did not find me valuable enough to waste the effort himself. If he did, why would he allow me to be subject to such crushing pain and agony? I must have lost his love and favor. I could not rely on him to take care of me. There would be no presents under the tree from him.
But you know what, I see you mamas. I see you just wanting the best for your kids and for your family. I know that you are trying to survive. Trying to teach your kids while working and keeping your house in an acceptable state of cleanliness. I know you are worried about the future. We all are.
So I decided to bring together a few of my friends – teachers and homeschool moms – to share some of their best wisdom and tips with you. You have got this, Mom. Were all in this together.
Can I trust God? I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t asked myself that question over a million times. Walking by faith and not by sight is no easy task, and even though I grew up in a Christian home, it’s something I still struggle with. I’ve always believed that “God will carry you through the storm” (Isaiah 43:2) and I’ve heard countless testimonies that confirm that He will make good on His promises, but I lacked that one-on-one experience with God, which made it so hard to trust His word, to trust Him.